Saturday, June 26, 2010

The Age of Specialties

Twas a dark and creeping afternoon when Mother checked the time on her Blackberry, overcome by an innate feeling deep within her loins to know the exact hour, minute, and second.
With a swift brush of teeth against her chest, the time was zero o'clock, zero minutes, zero seconds, ChEerIo. "AGAIN," she cried, "I ALWAYS LOOK AT THE CLOCK WHEN IT IS ZEROWTF" Suddenly and horrifically, the second hand jumped to one. "It can't be..." thought Mother.
To normal standerbys, 'one' would be normal to see on a clock, but for Mother, 'one' only meant one thing...

ThYme to become shy.

Mother understood that her new task was to slip into a forgotten frozen pasture in the dustbowl and remove all of her teeth one by one until she was too shy to talk to any brethren human or non animal/human again with an open mouth. And so Mother headed southwest from the tips of the USSR, where she had been pleasantly vacationing with Shmovrec, traveling by wooden wheelchair, courtesy of Juniper. Too soon after she left, she arrived in the DuStBoWL, circa 1931. There, she was wheeled by no one to a decrepit barn where a new baby was born...a baby who needed milk....
The baby's name was Alexander Joseph Gibbons. Mother unlocked her teet from a chastity bra and let the baby have its needy way.
The End


Her story was recorded into a little-known novel by a man named Steinbeck. If nothing else, she saved a new-born babe's life and her teet was immortalized in American history...but to Juniper, her task was complete. Until next time...when dinner is ready.

P.S. Mother's teet was colored tye-dye because of a bad accident involving a mailbox, a jar of mayonnaise, and cyanide when she attended secondary school. This confused baby AJG and he in turn formed a second set of teeth, much like a shark. He also did not have a first set of teeth.
- Brotther

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