Saturday, December 17, 2011

The Age of Discovering that No Teeth Means No Meat

Immediately following her breastfeeding incident, mother was shocked to discover a small pile of stones because she was in a wooden crate, where accordingly, there were no stones. Upon further inspection she realized they were her teeth. Upon realizing this realization the teeth formed into one large denture with no separation between teeth. One. Big. Tooth. She was in a crate carrying unfrozen meat. Mother was actually carrying the meat. Mother's favorite dish was fricasse of rabbit, but sensing no rabbit meat, in her wolf arms, she decided she would settle for crockpot stew. Eight hours and no minutes later, mother was presented by the crate man with meat stew. And then she remembered her teeth.

With two and two more punches, mother exited the crate in a fit of unforgivable rage following the moment she attempted to chew stew meat with simple gums. The moon itself split into four and 7 more werewolf angels were born and then murdered viciously in a civil war headed on one side by mayor menino and on the other by AJG.

Twenty years later mother ate her first vegetable based meal after 19 successive years of crop failure. the vegetables were from her seahorse garden and were stewed in a crockpot for two light years with the denture for good luck. As she lit the earwax candle on her elephant ivory table, mother thought to herself "if only Shmovrek were here to watch me feast irately with little but no teeth and a warm-hearted smile, two guns in 1 holster and a portrait of my native american friend Betony on the wall of the horizon."

And then she heard it.

walk two and twenty steps to the northwest where you will discover your next instruction...

mother forgot about her teeth and sprinted the two and twenty steps, in which she destroyed her twentieth and only profitable crop with one solid scream of terror.
the czar had returned.